Out of The
Frying Pan and Into the Fire (?)
"My wife Mary and I have been married
for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument
serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce,
never."-Jack Benny
Marriages involve people, and any time
people are involved in something it can get messed up. Sometimes
marriages are messed up from the beginning; they were built
on a shaky or non-existent foundation. The couple may not
have dated long enough, done any pre-marital counseling, really
talked/listened with each other, stayed apart sexually, etc.
Sometimes people are just in love with love, and they'll marry
the first person who will go along.
Even marriages with great starts can
still go wrong. Sometimes people grow careless with their
marriages. One, or both, just won't put any energy into the
relationship. It's the same sort of thing when you're driving.
If you take your foot off the gas pedal (and you're not using
cruise control), your car will slow down and eventually roll
to a stop.
Other marriages fail because one or
both of the spouses grow selfish. They demand more and more
from their spouse. A relationship of mutuality becomes warped,
centered on only one of the spouses. Sometimes that can be
understandable. One may need more attention than the other
or more of the resources due to specific situations. But long-term,
that can warp and break a marriage.
Is divorce the only answer for a difficult or seemingly dead
marriage, though? Divorce can have potentially huge spiritual,
emotional, and economic costs.
God hates divorce (Malachi 2.7),
and Jesus taught us that to divorce one's spouse and to marry
another (unless the divorce was caused by adultery) was to
commit adultery (Matthew 19.9). When we divorce our mates,
we are in very real danger of sinning. Divorce can easily
become a question of whether we are obeying God or ourselves.
A University of Chicago study details
the emotional costs of divorce and may help explain why God
hates it. The study analyzed the relationships between marriage,
divorce and happiness. The research shows that unhappily married
adults who had divorced were no happier than those who had
stayed married. Along with poverty, divorce leads to many
emotional problems including depression, poor health and a
greater likelihood of suicide.
Several studies, too numerous to relate
here, demonstrate that divorce also has huge economic costs.
One report in Oklahoma showed divorce and its direct and indirect
economic consequences cost the U.S. nearly $33.3 billion annually.
An MSN article cited a 1996 study that showed divorced women
experienced a 27% drop in standard-of-living.
A University of Chicago's study ended
with some conclusions that should make most of us who believe
in the power of God's word to change lives quite happy: Dr.
Mark Goulston, an Assistant Clinical Professor at UCLA's Neuropsychiatric
Institute, said, "Marriages end not because couples
stop loving each other but because they can't stop hating
each other. When couples find a way to excavate and work through
the misunderstandings, hurt and disappointment that hardened
into anger, they often discover that they still have a strong
bond underneath."
When you feel your marriage is becoming
unbearable, examine your own heart, actions, and attitudes
in light of Scripture; seek godly counsel; petition friends
and loved ones to join you in fervent prayer for yourself
and your mate; and talk to your spouse clearly and lovingly
about your concerns.
References:
MP Dunleavey. How to leave your husband. June 11.2008.
http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/CollegeAndFamily/SuddenlySingle/HowToLeaveYourHusband.aspx
Katie L. Reim. Divorce Costs Both Socially and Economically.
April 22, 2008
http://www2.dasnr.okstate.edu/Members/katie.reim-40okstate.edu/divorce-costs-both-socially-and-economically
Chris Stollar. Divorce: Is it the Answer? 2002, Eugene Register
Guard. You can read the article here: http://www.family.org/marriage/A000002688.cfm
Emotional toll of divorce costs companies dearly. The Columbia
Tribune February 23, 2007. http://oc-divorce.typepad.com/california_divorce_and_fa/2007/02/emotional_toll
_.html
