Christian Communication

"Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them."-Paul (To the Ephesians, 4.29)

The health of just about any relationship depends on good communication. It doesn't matter what relationship. It could be a husband and wife, parents and children, or employer and employee. How we express ourselves, the words we use, the things we say, and the way we say them in large part determines how healthy our relationships are.

Good communication also entails privileges and responsibilities: the privilege is seen in being able to know what's going on inside another person or to have useful information. The responsibility is to listen actively to make sure you are hearing correctly and to remember what you've heard. Just because I don't know or remember something doesn't necessarily mean that it's not been communicated. It could be that I just didn't pay attention.

The quote from the apostle Paul above comes from a section of Ephesians where he is giving his readers a short list of what a Christ-inspired life looks like compared to their former pagan way of living. They knew what pagan living was like-they'd been living that. Paul was telling them how to be a new kind of person, a person with a new attitude and the new twin goals of being godlike in righteousness and holiness. This meant they would be truthful, in control of their anger, workers who shared with others in need, known for healthy communication, and kind and compassionate.

When you and your spouse, you and your children, or you and your employer talk, is it just to argue, blame, or accuse? Do you enjoy talking to these people? Do they enjoy talking to you? You can't make others talk in a healthy manner, but you can impact the conversation to some degree, making it more helpful and healthy. Don't be upset or surprised if the conversation goes badly if you choose to respond or to talk in an unhealthy way because the person you're talking to is speaking unhealthily. And no matter how Christlike you are when you speak, that does not mean the listener will agree with you or give in to your demands. That's a discussion for another day. We're focusing on how you speak, the words you use, and the tone in which you say them.

When speaking with another, follow these six principles of Christian communication from Ephesians in order for communication to be like God in true righteousness and holiness:

1. Speak the truth (4.25)

2. Don't use your anger as an excuse to let the Devil control what you say (4.26-27)

3. Don't rob the other of their respect or dignity when speaking to them (4.28). They were made in God's image just as you were.

4. Say things that are helpful, encouraging, and beneficial-to-the-listener (4.29)

5. Remove bitter, rage-filled, angry, fight-starting, slanderous, and malicious words, phrases and tones from our speech (4.31)

6. Replace obscene, foolish, or coarse (demeaning) joking with thankful speech (5.4)

Follow these four practices of communication in order for communication to work:

1. Don't interrupt, but let the other finish speaking.

2. Summarize accurately what the other just said and ask for correction if necessary.

3. Don't "read into" what another says. Don't assume the motives behind what is being said. Ask for the reason for what is being said. Jumping to a conclusion is an exercise in stupidity.

4. When responding, follow the biblical principles mentioned above.