What a Spouse Wants

"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."-Paul, To the Philippians (2.4)

In the book of Philippians, Paul is trying to tie a divided congregation together. They are divided along Law-keeping and personality lines. The answer to this division is the Christ Event, the willing metamorphosis of the Son into Jesus of Nazareth. Jesus' spirit of other-serving, humility, and obedience led to his total exaltation by God over every name or power. Paul says, then, that they should use this same attitude to tie the Philippians together. So would that attitude also work to tie husbands and wives together?

Last Sunday I shared some thoughts with the men of the congregation from Proverbs 5. The father is trying to teach the son to be wise. One of the dangers to wisdom is from adulterous women. Wise guys know that when it comes to women coming on to us as married men, appearances can be deceiving; we can fall into adulterous relationships if not careful; our wives can satisfy us if we'll treat them the way Solomon describes; and, it really does matter whether we're faithful or not because we have to answer to God.

Afterwards, it was suggested that I follow that up with a reminder of what husbands and wives say that they need to be happy in their marriages. The following is a list taken mainly from His Needs, Her Needs. Many of you know this book.

What Wives Say They Need

1. They need romance and affection more often than sex.
2. They need to talk with us, not at us or to us.
3. They need to be able to trust us.
4. They need financial peace and security.
5. They need us to be good fathers to the children.

What Husbands Say They Need

1. We need sex more than romance and affection.
2. We need you to do our fun stuff with us.
3. We need you to care how you look, and work on how you look.
4. We need you to give us times of peace and quiet.
5. We need you to be proud of the good we are and do, and tell us.

Paul says to consider the interests of the other before you consider your own interests. Usually at this point I hear one or the other say, "But they won't (or don't) meet my needs." In other words they decide whether to treat their spouse a certain way based on how their spouse treats them. Most people call this retaliation. Most Christians know Jesus taught us not to be retaliators. Do you know where I'm going with this?

It seems to me that faith is as important to marriage as it is to suffering or death. If you can't have faith in your spouse to meet your needs, at least have faith in God and meet the needs of your spouse out of your love for Him. If you only do good to those who do you good, what good are you? Focus on meeting your spouse's needs and interests, and you'll be pleased at what God brings about.

~Shawn