I even understand why we should forgive for moral or spiritual reasons, though forgiveness and its discussion can still generate many questions.
Some say forgiveness lets offenders off too easily, blurring clear distinctions between right and wrong. Yet when we need forgiveness, we hope for understanding and compassion no matter what. Forgiveness is also different when someone didn’t intend to harm, but ended up doing it anyway. Even our legal system recognizes the difference. Love also determines forgiveness: why do people seem to forgive their children anything, but not spouses or siblings? Then there’s the question of forgiveness and punishment. Does forgiving excuse the offender from making amends (if possible) or paying the consequences? And it’s not that we don’t get angry—we do. It’s a matter of what we do with our anger and how long we stay angry that counts.
Several touching stories of harm and forgiveness are in a book entitled Why Forgive? by Johann Christoph Arnold. It’s an expanded version of the 1997 book "Seventy Times Seven" –Christ's answer when asked how many times a wronged person should forgive.
But how to begin? First, allow time. There are typically three stages of trauma and recovery, says Everett Worthington, chairman of the psychology department at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, and executive director of the campaign and author of Five Steps to Forgiveness: The Art and Science of Forgiving: numbness (which typically lasts one to two weeks), an attempt to make sense of what happened (one to two years), and finally a desire to move ahead with some form of normal life. (More)

 

 

 

 

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Worthington calls his five-step program of forgiveness REACH: Recall the hurt as objectively as possible; Empathize with the person who harmed you (this usually takes the longest); Altruistically choose to forgive; Commit publicly to forgiveness; Hold on to forgiveness even when you backslide. Some of this sounds like the Road to Recovery we’ve been looking at the past several weeks.
Forgiveness, like sanctification, is a process. It doesn’t just happen, and neither is it a one-time experience. But if the decision to forgive is made, and the basis of forgiveness is understood, then the process is much easier and quicker.

 

Shawn's Corner
To Forgive . . . Divine

On Sept. 11, Todd Beamer, on doomed United Flight 93, asked an airphone operator to send his love to his family, then began to pray, “Our Father, who art in Heaven . . .”
Days later, his widow, Lisa, remarked that the Lord's Prayer asks God “’to forgive our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.’ And in some ways, he was forgiving those people for what they were doing; the most horrible thing you could ever do to someone.”
I know from personal experience that forgiveness is not one of the easiest things the Lord asks us to do. But I understand why He expects us to do it. For example, from a physical point of view, forgiveness is better for you. Several scientific studies demonstrate the differences in physical health between forgivers and non-forgivers.

Shawn's Corner
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